The new norm, is not something that we like but instead have to deal with. The kids probably take it better than I do, I have to stay strong for them, for my husband. I felt like ground up hamburger meat before he left…I was only being held together by the fact that I knew I needed to be strong for him. He just isn’t as strong. We all have our places in life and our strengths in relationships and I know this is my place. I had to be strong because I know if I lost it he would have never got on the plane to fly home. So these last 4 months apart I have slowly been drained. I am not in a very good place. I am very angry, and still hurt by all that has happened. It might help if I explained what exactly has happened. I have thought about talking about it and had not decided but I think in order to understand how we are so broken, much more so than these rare tumors, multiple surgeries, life-long medical treatment he is going to have to have, but how broken we are over what ‘they’ did to our family.
They, refers to my family. My mother and sister and to a lesser extent my brother. I am not really sure what part he played in all of it. As I previously stated, we decided in August 2013 to move to Italy for his treatments. We sold and got rid of most of everything we own in September and by October 1st we had moved in to my parents house to save money. I took a job around the beginning of the year at Liberty Tax. I was working as many hours as I could to save that much more money. Unbeknownst to me or my husband my mother started talking to the kids behind our backs. The kids were never angry about moving, your normal apprehension and our oldest son said he would prefer if things were different to stay here and that he would miss his friends but he understood. No yelling, no tears, nothing. And as their mother and father we knew they would be ok. This conveniently started shortly after I started work. I received a text message on Feb. 17th around noon from my ex-husband. He said he was filing for custody of the kids and he was not signing their passports to go. (I have full-custody, and always have, he never had to sign them to begin with. However, he thought it would be wonderful for the kids to go and never objected) Of course, you can imagine the mamma bear coming out in me. Over the course of the conversation I realized that my mother knew. I ask him several times before he finally relented and told me yes she knows. I hung the phone up and called home and my mother answered. I said, “How could you know he was going to do this and you said NOTHING!!!” Little did we know what had really transpired!
You have to understand, my husband and I are boring people. We are nerds, we love documentaries, the History channel, we love artsy fartsy stuff, he and the kids like to play SkyRim and blow things up on the computer, my husband sings beautifully in several languages and composes music. Neither of us have ever used any kind of illegal drugs nor do we really ever drink. We are good, decent people, who help people and are kind to people. I, especially, am always taken advantage of my kind heart. My family is difficult. Always has been. My sister has never been a very kind person, to me at least. I have no use for how she has lived her life, partying, manipulation, mooching off my parents, PARTYING!! If she were a friend I wouldn’t have friends like her. But alas, she is my sister. I dealt with the volatile relationships of the family because at the end of the day they were my family.
Feb. 18th, I had come back to the house to get my oldest sons birth certificate. About 11:30 in the morning. My husband stayed outside with the two youngest while my oldest son and I went inside to get a few things. My sister was there, my 1-year-old niece, Pina, (Oh how we miss her so!) and my mother. I hadn’t intended on saying anything. Britt was in his room and I was in mine. I had put his BC in a book, to ‘keep it safe’ haha! and kept it from me!! 🙂 I went to the bathroom, while I was in there I heard the phone ring. My mother has a caller ID that announces the caller. It was my ex-husband. I immediately knew then there was much more to the story. While in the bathroom I did not know until a few weeks later that she had actually called my ex-husband when I was in the bathroom and handed Britt the phone. To be put in this position at 14. He had the forethought to hang the phone up when she left the room. He said to lock themselves in the bathroom and to call the police?!?! So when he called back it while I was in the bathroom he was calling Britt back. Nobody answered. I washed my hands came out, looked at my sister in the chair and she acted like nothing was going on and the phone was ringing again. I answered it from the kitchen. We argued I hung the phone up. I was walking out to my mother’s room as she was coming in and we ran into each other and she gave me the most hateful look. I was so hurt, I still did not know the extent of what had happened, I was so shocked. Standing in the kitchen and her about 15′ away in the living room. I just ask her why, what was wrong with her and I said I really think you need help. The filth that came out of her mouth. I had not yelled but she just started in as she usually does. My son was sitting on the sofa and I told him to go outside with Babbo. She was just saying horrible things, my kids hated Gianfranco and I, and that she is a better parent than I was, and that I was fat and a lazy bitch! That I was worthless and I had always been worthless. She wishes I had never been born, that I am the worst daughter and mother. Just on and on and on screaming at me. I told her, “I am a bad mother? Seriously!” and just kept repeating they are not your kids, they are not your kids!! I yelled a couple of times, my ex-husband kept calling back and could hear them screaming at me. The baby was crying. Conveniently my sister was recording this audio on her phone. My mother came towards me and I was not picking the phone up because my ex-husband kept calling. She tried to come through my side and I boxed her out, like basketball. I tower over her as I am 5′ 10 1/2″ and she is barely 5’4″. This turned into I hit my mother. Which I absolutely positively have never even raised a hand and hit either of them, even though my mother watched as my sister attacked me when I was 5 months pregnant with my middle son. Her response when I ask what kind of mother lets her daughter do that to the other was to hit my in the face herself. (wow, this sounds so Jerry Springer!) I left, I stopped the car about a 1/2 mile down the road because I was just overcome with despair. I have never literally cried so much in three weeks for what they did. Over the next few weeks I have never cried more in my entire life. The people who are supposed to love and protect you have caused you the most pain.
What exactly did they do you ask? Well, I will just try to list it all. Give you a brief overview of the next months.
Jan-mother was saying horrible things and making up lies about myself, my husband and his family (whom she has never even met or spoke to considering none of them speak English, as they all live in Italy)
Feb-she got the kids, for whatever manipulated reason, to call my ex-husband (when they were supposed to be going to help my great-granny moves boxes is what my mom called and ask if she could take them for) and to tell them that Britt wanted to stay with my mom and Blayke wanted to live with him. (Since Blayke was born he had seen him 3 maybe 4 times in his entire life) My sister filed a protective order against me, stating I was ‘violent’ and ‘had fits of rage’…the idiocy still makes me laugh! I don’t remember the exact day but I spoke to the sheriffs investigators because my ex-husband said they were looking for me for assaulting my mother, hello, I never touched her, but that was the lie they came up with. I work right across the street by the way! Spoke to them for 3 hours and they were flabbergasted over things they have done over the years. He said just because you have the same DNA doesn’t mean you have to take all of that. Also about a week later I had to take the boys to the CAC, Children’s Advocacy Center, because I thought they thought I had assaulted my mother or some craziness and I thought they were making sure the kids were not abused or something. Where they took it I would have never thought in a million years. Though my mother denies she called DHS but she did instigate it. Because she is a COWARD! We were there about 3 1/2 hours. They called me back and said they’ve not divulged any abuse. Yes, they aren’t was my reply. They haven’t divulged and sexual abuse. “What! Or Course not!” just thought it was standard protocol! We get into the van and I’m letting the car warm up and Caleb, 8 at the time, says, “Mom do we ever have to come back, that was really weird.” No honey I think we are done was my reply. “They made me look at a naked cartoon man in a bath tub. That was gross.” I ask what did you say. He repeated it and explained that they ask him what the ‘bad spots’ were and if Babbo had every touched them there. My 8-year-old ask questions and pictures and ideas that you can never undo. The other two followed up with the had the same questioning and I KNEW what was going on, I tried to hold it together. Even now as I type this I am crying. I KNEW what they had said and done. With no thought about my husband’s job, what this could do to the kids or our family! How evil can you be. My oldest son was sitting up front and saw me break down and just act like I wasn’t that upset. He held my hand the whole way home. Imagine having to tell your husband. He cried for weeks. He blamed himself if he had only not gotten sick none of this would’ve happened.
March 5th-exhusband (whom hasn’t seen the boys in almost 6 years) has flown here from Oregon and calls me about 2:30 to file for emergency custody. Calls me and says, “I’m at the courthouse and my attorney says I have to let you know I have filed for emergency custody in case you want to show up”. Get to the courthouse, call friends to get the kids from the bus stop and walk around the corner, and who is with him, my sister and my mother. Talk about wanting to just vomit right there. My sister was thrown off the witness stand and my mother was scolded by the child for smoking around the kids even though I have told her 1,000 times not to and been in a million arguments about this. That’s actually why they never got to go anywhere with her. (I do have to say when the judge did that I was enthralled and it was a tiny little victory inside me). BTW-they lost emergency custody. March 28-judge did not grant protective order but left temporary in place for a year. Not that I ever want to speak to them again but he said we do not need to have any contact. Yes, I was super upset about that and it was ludicrous, but what are you going to do?
Between March and April DHS lady came to our home, interviewed our friends, spoke to the schools, etc. She knew early on she felt this was bogus but still had to investigate, she was a wonderful woman. Thank you Tanya for treating us with respect. What they said. “Gianfranco sleeps with the boys and I don’t like it, it is unnatural”…my ex-husband thought it was a cultural thing. What she didn’t say is he has severe sleep apnea and he slept on a full-size bed in the room with the twin beds and the boys would alternate who got to sleep with me because I can’t sleep from his snoring. Nothing unnatural or harmful. But she left it hanging on purpose. One report to DHS was almost exactly word for word what I just said. The other report was that and that they felt he had an inappropriate relationship with the boys. I know that call was from my sister and the other from my ex-husband. He told me he called and exactly what he said. I knew my mom didn’t have the guts to call and make an official report about the lies!! April 17 we were ordered to mediation.
Mediation was Aug. 6th, lots happened between phone calls and the kids, we got into family counseling which has helped a great deal. We wanted to make sure the kids were ok. Or as ok as they could be. 90% of mediation had to do with money. I had to eat my attorneys costs, back child support (the difference in the amount since March when they recalculated some $1650.00, roughly), all of the costs associated with having to rerent a home, buy all new things, etc., etc because we had sold everything, he gets to claim both kids for exemption purposes on this tax return this year and I had to eat the money for all out=of=pocket expenses that he should have reimbursed me half for up until August 6th. Everything else stayed the same. I retain custody, he gets to call every Tuesday, Thurs and Saturday, this was a big deal and skype. (He has not skyped on time and he is back to calling maybe once a month!) I stipulated he can not speak to any of his family nor my family about anything related to myself nor the kids, our whereabouts, or anything. His child support went up, way up, all these years lied to me about how much he made, and I was a very nice and understanding ex-wife. After all, why fight, just makes it worse for the kids. That was my GROWN-UP thoughts! Thousands spent, lives ruined, for what? I will never know why. My sister is screwed up and thrives off of chaos. My mother I think is bi-polar or manic. She is not well. They didn’t just ruin my life, my husbands, the boys, my two nieces, my nephews, my brother and sister-in-law, and my father’s life, and extended family. They never thought that those accusations could have ruined my husbands career. How can you be so hateful? I will never know the answer to that and really it does not matter. I will never forget what they have done. This is not a fixable offense. I will forgive them for my own salvation, but will never forget. I will never see my nieces again. They will never know how much we love them. Sweet little Pina, will never even remember us.
My heart hurts so…and I miss my husband and the boys miss their Babbo.
xoxo
Mrs. Pie…
Mr & Mrs Pie 
I’m so sorry. I never knew the extent 😦
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